MIRC
These are real quotes and are
hilarious. They are from mIRC conversations. Let's see if i
can get 100 good
ones. All these jokes are credited to
http://www.geekissues.org/quotes
1.<xterm> The problem with America
is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital
punishment for
stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything
and let the problem solve itself?
2.<Beeth> Girls are like
internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx>
well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
3.<BombScare>
i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is
hard
4.<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado
5.<+kritical>
christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that
6.<studdud> what the fuck is
wtf
7.<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings,
giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in
the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con
space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil
voice
8.<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna>
no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see
it?
9.<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a
file
10.<Thumb> do you know of any major organizations that are
similar the CDC?
<Lucent> who?
<Thumb> center for
disease control
<Lucent> i said WHO
<Thumb> what?
i'm asking you
<Lucent> World Health
Organization
11.serluny: how long did it took u to learn c?
ReDPriest:4.5 minutes
serluny:how did u do that?
ReDPriest:i
downloaded it into my brain..i got a program to do
that
serluny:what program
ReDPriest:download shit into your brain v3.1
serluny:how do i download it?
ReDPriest: go to www.downloadable-shit-for-your-brain.com
serluny:i cant download it something is
wrong
12.<incarnate> hey cres, I know what you're thinking right
now
<incarnate> " "
<cres> i dont get
it
13.<blazemore> omg i love this song
<blazemore>
Now playing: Unknown Artist - Track 2 @ 128 Kbps. (0:47/3:24)
<Javi> blazemore: yeah, that's a bad ass song
14.<FreshBrew>
IM DONT MATH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
<FreshBrew> HELL FUCKING YES
<kolby> you still in english?
15.<orion`-`-> what the
fuck
<orion`-`-> i think the icecream truck just hit a kid
<orion`-`-> brbrb
16.<Alcaron> You should set yourself up a
webcam. I don't know why, but I get this feeling
we'll catch you doing
something stupid. :)
<Longi> Alcaron: thats exactly the reason i
wont set one up, the high probablity of me
doing someone extremely
embarassing
<Longi> err?
<Longi> THING
<Longi> someTHING!
17.<pdksh> jesus h christ
<pdksh> 'i got tired of that screensaver on that other computer so i
turned it off'
<pdksh> my sister hard-shutdown my bsd box.
<pdksh> in the middle of a kernel compile.
<pdksh> not to
mention that the little blinky light on the hub was annoying her
<pdksh> so she pulled out that wire too
<pdksh> ...
<pdksh> and she managed to rip a wire pair out of the wire.
<pdksh> yet she wants to be a cs major in college.
<dmaster-> I would beat her into a coma
<pdksh> dmaster-: im
about to. either that or change her aim password so she jumps off a
bridge.
<bob354> pdksh: haha a cs major?
<pdksh>
bob354: yeah... 'i like to surf the internet and chat on aim to all my friends
all the time so im good with computers and im good at that microsoft
wordart. mom said i
should go to computer school like
you!'
18.*** civicsi was kicked by Raegen (KK: go away jason)
civicsi is jason@adsl-208-188-253-138.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net * Jason Preston
civicsi on #cars
civicsi using irc2.lightning.net Toca's Miracle
civicsi End of /WHOIS list.
*** civicsi
(jason@adsl-208-188-253-138.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #cars
<civicsi> uhhh
<civicsi> HOW DID YOU GET MY NAME?
<Tokae> we are l33t
<Darn> haha he hacked you
<KK> shutup jason
<civicsi> how did you do that?
<Tokae> you will be fuct over jason if you act out of line.
<KK> Mr Preston
<civicsi> I hope you know that I have logs
of all hacking attempts
<civicsi> and I WILL forward them to the
DOJ
19.<`rip> when you go into a job interview
<`rip>
and they ask you what 3 of your weaknesses' are
<`rip> what do you
say
<clay> you tell them that youre indecisive
<clay> and then stop talking
20.<Fly_kEaT> ok so what time
now in russia?
<amsea_> 17:06
<Fly_kEaT> am or
pm?
21.<Cuban Atlas> See, Zeir, FD is smart..He ops himself the
moment he enters
<FD> This way I can abuse the power faster
<Polo> That's the American way
<FD> Damn
right
22.<Glasses> Quebec is on fire?
<Glasses> I'm
sure the rest of Cananda won't be too upset...
<Paul> Upset? THey
started it.
23.[|crazy|] channel is +s
[sk8-girl] whats +s?
<thc\ip> cant tell u
<thc\ip> its a secret
[sk8-girl] oh.. ok =\
24.<GunnX> I was locked in my bathroom once
getting ready for a date
<GunnX> :)
<GunnX> door
knob fell off
<GunnX> those were the days
<polyglot>
wtf were you doing to the doorknob?
25.<mD5> please no-one send me
that stuff about sex in my aol mailbox
<flukz> i had to turn off
my computer cuz all the porn kept popping up
<Mattress> mD5,
what's your e-mail? I'll remove you from the list
<mD5> mD5@aol.com
<mD5> thank you for
removing me from the list
26.<kat-write> disturb me and suffer
castration
<Doppelganger> that almost sounded interesting till I
remembered what that meant
27.<Psifire> I got out of the shower and
put my universal studios shirt on.
<Psifire> And something occured
to me.
<Vykuzich> pants?
28.(@Jumper): I've been to
LegoLand
(@Jumper): I've actually been drunk in LegoLand !
(@Jumper): We had a huge company party in the Lego Castle
(+offwYtE):
drink out of lego cups
([ric]): lagerland... sure that wasn't where you
were Jumper?
29.<_0wn3d_> N-E-1 no how to download the internet
????????????????
30.<Leaf-> Gran Turismo is hard
<Mootar> quit callin me gran turismo
31.n e r d b 5: you use
redhat?
n e r d b 5: thats a program you can get warez from, right?
n e r d b 5: like napster
n e r d b 5: d/l apps from other
people
32.<Sumez> Jar: I can't believe you don't know what a Skoda
is
<Aximili> Sumez: I can't believe you don't know what a
Hasemalphaginnojinglanaporphomism
is
<Sumez> Axi: I do, oh
I do
<Aximili> What is it, then?
<Sumez> Axi: a
reversed contradicting metamorph phrased as an anagram
<Aximili>
Sumez: Damn.. you did know..
33.[timmo] i liked the great
gatsby movie
[timmo] because gatsby was harrison ford
[timmo]
and i cant pass up an opertunity
[timmo] to see him get
shot
34.<Jammer> Bad things happen in threes, don't they?
<Fake_Plastic_Tree> like Hanson.
35.<kitten> Dan, you're my
honey bunch sugar plum, pumpy-umpy-upmkin.
<kitten> You're my
sweetie pie.
<Danelope> Oh yeah? Well, you're my cuppycake gumdrop
snickums-snookums.
<Danelope> You're the apple of my eye.
<ry4n> fuck you guys.
*** ry4n has quit IRC (Quit: Trillian
(http://www.ceruleanstudios.com))
<Danelope>
Hahaha.
36.<joey`> mcdonalds fired me for trying to install irc on
the teleprompter
37.<tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
<Ouroboros> Ok.
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> .
|
<tag> | .
<Ouroboros> . |
<tag> |
.
<Ouroboros> | .
<Ouroboros>
Whoops
38.<+mirkin> does anybody know if it is possible using ms
access to create a report which shows the records of a table
<+mirkin> but shows 3 columns across the page
<+mirkin>
i.e
<+mirkin> record 1 record 2 record 3
<+mirkin>
record 4 record 5 record 6
<+GoodScrat> That is impossible
<+GoodScrat> Computers are not that far advanced yet
39.(01/21/02)
11:41PM<MrDev-> christ, they should put a nice warning when you log into a
solaris box that killall on linux and solaris are entirely different
commands
40.<Hamsters> is there any tips that i can pass my writen
test?
<shagman> hamsters, learn english
41.<Fred>
This computer deserves to go to hell
<Max> Dont you mean
Siliconhell?
<Fred> What ?
<Max> Its the place where
all dead calculators go to
<Fred> Really?
42.***
CHAOS_IS_BLISS (jfdkhglkfd@cdm-66-244-43-tylr.cox-internet.com) Quit
(burghcom.fdfnet.net thealamo.fdfnet.net)
<nomis_nehc>
whoa
<nomis_nehc> wtf, all those peepz off at the same time, or
what's up?
<nomis_nehc> power outagae somewhere
maybe?
43.<MrMonkey> Erdrick: I speak your language a lot better
than I speak yours, ok?
44.<cmw> ok how about this one
<cmw> Dear Natalie,
<cmw> How's it going studying at
Harvard? I bet it's hard. I am sorry my sweet but sometimes life is hard. I love
you. You are so beautiful and smart my darling. God made you so perfect. Will
you marry me? We could be so happy together, forever. We have so much in common,
you are in Star Wars and I like Star Wars. Can't you see we were made for each
other.
<cmw> Yours Always,
<cmw> Cody
Crenshaw
<ShadowFang11> yea, thats good
45.(treaz0n4)
msn sent me a 4 page report on how to report
spammers
46.<Viper550esp> heh hell, you have no idea what hell is!
Try standing inbetween two large fat women at a manson concert who decided just
to wear the bare minimum to get it in concert. Oh thats nothing, they decided
that it would be fun to start a mash pit. I kid you not those two women took out
7 people with one massive shove
47.<outRider> i bought MoH: AA
today... boy, world war II was easy.
48.<DrWoody> One time I was at
the store with my friend and there were these underage kids in the porn section
they kicked out while we were in there.
<DrWoody> so they gave us
their money and we bought porn for them
<L33TKnight> your good
deed for the day?
<DrWoody> I like to give back to
society.
49.<MrCoulomb> ok, i'm taking out the 3 of spades, and
reinsert it into a random point
<MrCoulomb> and i assure you, it
is random
<MrCoulomb> I'm now shuffling the cards
<MrCoulomb> and it's a real shuffle too
<MrCoulomb> Now.. I
cut the deck.
<MrCoulomb> and there is your card
<MrCoulomb> the 3 of spades
<MrCoulomb> found instantly
within a randomly shuffled deck
<Mort-Hog> How did you do
that?..
50.<|shark|> if a guy took a home pregnancy test
<|shark|> and it turned out positive
<|shark|> what does
that mean?
<Merl> shark.. go see a doctor man
;-)
51.<adr> if kashmir gets nuked we won't have any soft wool
sweaters any more
<TS> thats cashmere you
tool
52.<Mike_McCormick> how do you change your name? i tried /nick
Mike but it won't work
<Mike> that's because I have that one
dingleberry
53.<Glasses> Quebec is on fire?
<Glasses> I'm sure the rest of Cananda won't be too upset...
<Paul> Upset? THey started it.
54.<Pho> the only fun Ive had
with linux was formatting it
55.<Dekon> Florida is holding the
election hostage until we quit sending old people
56.* @Pretsel wants a
little robot which will clean floors and vacumn rooms :/
<Mad-Cow>
You can get them
<@Pretsel> Yeah but I'd imagine they'd be
expensive :D
<Mad-Cow> It'll cost you a few million but you can
get em
<@Pretsel> Woah Woah... I don't want a
wife...
57.<MarZi^> what are you doing on Quakenet if you dont play
Counterstrike?
58.<usrg> cigarettes are carcinogenic, too
<oink2u> actually, it's the smoke that you inhale from the cigarette
that's carcinogenic
<usrg> well DUH
<usrg> you
don't eat the damn thing!
59.<Guilty> Me: "I think I'll send a
message" | ICQ: Wait wait, wouldnt you like to search the web? The white pages?
The yellow pages? Want me to check your email? Your stocks? On your dog? Look
someone on your list has a birthday coming up oh shit go buy them a gift here.
But first check your ICQ Pager(TM) and make a few internet phone calls. Go, do
it, I'll be here, moving myself to random parts of the screen so I'm never in
the position you left me
60.<CountZer0> but where is the recycle
bin in dos?
61.<Bearsy> hehehe... you dont really NEED pants..
they're just a nice to have
<rik0> i only have them for the
pockets
62.<kRadD3ViL> fUk1n n0n-31337 h4x0rz! t4lk l1k3
n00bZ!!!!
<evildewr> hey, i used to speek like that.. but it don't
make you leet with women
<kRadD3ViL> WhY u s4y d4t n00b?
<evildewr> cuz my girlfriend dumped me for using numbers when we
communicated
<kRadD3ViL> u h4d a g1rlfr13nd? fuk1ng 31337!!!!!
g1rls s0und 1337!
63.<cygnus> oi
<cygnus> in
windows
<cygnus> what it mean
<cygnus> if the folder
has a hand underneaath it
<Sephiroth> means it is shared
<Sephiroth> across your network
<cygnus> how did you know
that
<cygnus> i thought it meant itwas heavy
<cygnus> or something
<cygnus> like
<cygnus>
it's got 10 gigs in it
64.<Luco13> If we lose Napster...I will lose
my mp3's??"
65.<phish> wow, I read this in a slashdot post "Stop
slouching! It's two O'clock in the afternoon, PUT PANTS ON!" and immediately
thought...damn, he's right
<phish> ...now I just need to find my
pants
66.<K-Ecchi> SABER DATED A GUY
<Saber> YOU
HAVE NO PROOF
<K-Ecchi> YOU TOLD ME
<Saber> I HAVE
NO PROOF EITHER
67.<gee-1> we should market heart monitor devices
that're like implanted. so if you die, it'll remotely run a program, to like
make your computer log in, get on irc, and msg your friends that you're
dead
68.<Felon> What is a leet? Is that a type of
ferret?
69.<JohnerSuKt> ok but it wont put people in control of my
computer or deleting/altering stuff, just a good ole virus
right?
70.<Fugazi> Like I said before, I never repeat
myself!
71.<squall999991> hey so is the psx beter than the
playstation
72.<tress> I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she
left me before we met.
73.(CamelToe) did I ever tell you I have a CAT-5
outlet in my downstairs bathroom, so I can chat while I poo
(Q`) A
friend of mine has a "pleestation"
(Q`) "plee" meaning bathroom
(Q`) It's a pc with fast internet connection, games etc... right in front of the
toilet
(Q`) :-P
(CamelToe) so I guess if you're playing a game
such as Undying, you can really scare the shit out of yourself
(Q`)
Hahaha
74.<FlipTopBox> Concatenate?
<mightyflo> its
something sexual
<FlipTopBox> Concatenate can be sexual,
baby.
<mightyflo> its something sexual to someone who hasn't taken
a programming class
75.<DW-Steve> i'm a hacker
<mystican> no you're not
<mystican> you're a farmer
<mystican> theres a difference
76.<darklugia>
ssj10trunks@msn.com what kind of internet service do you have?
<misty11> internet explorer
77.<AGaeris> With her gone, now
Breathe is the only girl-type left for me to talk to in here.
<@Breathe> Who said you could talk to me?
78.<ac> just
messaged this girl I use to know back home with "Welcome back hottie"
<ac> The response was "This is katie's mother"
<ac>
...
<ac> not a good thing